i don't like sucking hair
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
