I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
