he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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