one two three fourrrrnication!
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize