she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
