Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
