Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
