I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
