sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
