eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
