it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
