apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
