Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize