The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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