I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
