Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
