I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
