Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
