No stitches, just platelets and will power
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
