just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
