erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
