I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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