hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
