i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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