Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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