If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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