I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
