Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize