trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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