How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
