He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize