Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
