Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
barbara walters just said penis...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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