Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize