"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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