I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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