This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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