I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
