I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
