don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
