Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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