At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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