I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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