hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
