nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
