In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
