I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
