woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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