he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
