I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
