Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
only you would photoshop your dick
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
