This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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