I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
