Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
