puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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