oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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