This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
