I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
