Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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