Just fell off a train. Bad.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
