I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize