All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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