So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
time to smoke my breakfast
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
