I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize