It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
