Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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