Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
