did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
